The Power of an Image

How often do you really look at yourself? I mean really look at yourself? Mirrors supposedly don't lie, but is it possible to see something that isn't there?

First off, I have spent a lifetime rejecting and running away from my own image. If I am by a mirror with other people around, I ignore it. When taking pictures, I always make a "funny face" so I don't have to honestly evaluate the end product. I keep my pictures for friends-only on facebook. I used to dread picture day for the yearbook.

As for mirrors, I have most always been somewhat suspect of them. I catch myself distorting my image to make myself look better, almost like utilizing a "blind eye" to my advantage. I'll pose in more flattering positions to alleviate any worries about wearing that dress that I should possibly just leave in the closet. I suck in. I pout my lips. I stand taller. It all feels so staged. Therefore, I have learned to not trust that reflection pursing her lips back at me- pursing her lips to make her cheekbones stand out more, of course.

As a result of this distrust for quartz, when I am out about town, I always try to catch my reflection in something around me i.e. a car window, a shop window, a lake, glasses. I almost feel that if I can sneak up on my reflection, it can't lie to me. What I see in these off-glances is the true, unadulterated image. It's almost like watching a night storm. When the lightening hits, this whole night world that is traditionally cloaked in black suddenly becomes unnaturally illuminated, shedding secrets and giving clandestine glimpses into the dark. These snapshots of myself that I catch in random reflective objects is really what other people see. It's what I look like when I don't think I am being looked at. It's me being uncloaked in the dark.

My answer to my image insecurities was always; lose weight. But what if I take these images and I use them to inspire me? What if I turn this disgust around and make it more useful, a tool if you will? Make it into something positive?

Visualization is one of the most important techniques we can use to change our future, but we need a starting point. This last Monday, using my trusty Macbook Pro, I started a series of pictures of myself to inspire weight loss. In just my underwear and a tank top hiked up to the boobage area, I took a no-bullshit picture of myself. I then made it the background, tiled, on my laptop so I would see it everyday. Now, don't get me wrong, this is not a negative point of view. I am not looking at the picture in disgust, instead, I am looking at the picture and visualizing what my body will look like after some time and dedication to healthy living. I see pouches getting firmer, arms getting more toned, and me be happy taking the picture. I see myself being content with my own reflection. This is a starting point. I am making a vow, right here and now, that I will continue to take these pictures every Monday (which will also help me track my progress visually instead of getting obsessed with the scale). Perhaps, after some time, I will post them here so y'all can see the change =0)

Another tactic that might be useful for all of you out there is something my mom has put to use (she will here on out be referred to as "The Pook"). The Pook idealizes Demi Moore's body- I mean come on, who wouldn't? That woman is dizzamn smokin'. As a motivational technique, The Pook printed out pictures of Demi a la Striptease and ordered a huge poster online. She placed the small printed out pictures in places she would look everyday, like the car mirror, and placed the huge poster next to her bed. This was in hopes to keep up motivation and keep the image of what a healthy, smokin' body looks like to inspire The Pook to do the same. While I think this tactic works well for some people, I personally like mine better. I feel like comparing myself to a celebrity is too far of a stretch. By keeping it to pictures of myself, I am visualizing change on my own unique body, not a completely different person's with different muscle tones and build to boot. I also have the ability to compare week-to-week to see the change instead of getting upset with a number that really doesn't reflect real physical change.

If you are in the same boat as me, you want to be healthier, you want your body to look healthier- why not try joining me in this great weight escape?

An Introduction

Taking into account our nation's current economic climate, I only saw it fitting to put my waistline in a recession as well.

Here's the scoop: I am 23 years old and I have always been overweight. I have spent a lifetime obsessing about weight, but to the point where it has inhibited progress instead of inspiring it. I used to only think overweight people like me obsessed about weight, but with a sex and skin crazed society where Bones aren't only popular on TV because it's a show, I have learned that skinny people obsess about weight too. It seems like almost everyone these days has an "inner fat girl" regardless of what the scale says. Taking this into consideration, this blog is here to relay my past experiences and to focus on new, healthy changes I am making to hopefully eradicate my weight worries for good. The goal is to get to the point where I no longer need to obsess about my size, but just focus on being fit in mind and body. This is something everyone, either fat or skinny, can relate to. Isn't it everyone's dream to not have to think about making the right choices regarding your body, but to make them automatically and feel good about it?

Weight is not just a physical entity. It's also a mindset that encompasses our varying degrees of self-perception and self-esteem. As is such, body size is an emotional and intimate topic that transgresses the finite measurement of weight. Over the course of this blog, I will recapitulate stories from my life where the idea of weight or self-consciousness played a main role. This serves to not only help me trace back the origin of some of my personal emotional nuances, but to also help you the reader understand where unhealthy mindsets can start and how you can change how you act toward yourself and others in similar situations.

As a warning, this blog isn't going to be "pretty". A big part of change is understanding where we've been. In the last 23 years, I have resorted to some not so healthy, for lack of better words "scary" tactics in order to make the scale. It is my hope that you the reader can learn from these mistakes, or if you too have made them, find solace in the fact that you aren't the only one.

So here the saga begins. Herein lies the story of an overweight girl, what it was like to grow up overweight, the emotions, what tactics she used, the family around her, the successes, the trials, the tribulations, and now, the change.